Happy Are Those

My grandfather used to say that people who were buried on a rainy day were the happiest.  Unfortunately for him, the sun was shining brightly on the first day of September when we buried his ashes almost two yeas ago.

Today I experienced my first trip to Tomah, Wisconsin for my second funeral.  This was a funeral for a woman I never met, but who was very close to Rob.  The visitation was right before the service, and the casket was open.  I had never seen a dead body before today, and I don't think it's high on my list of things I'd like to experience again.  Seated in the fifth pew, I could see her yellow face partially obscured by her grey hair.  "She looks good, considering..." 

Grief is such an intensely personal emotion.  I felt bad for Rob and his family, but so many of our interactions are centered around frivolity that I didnt know what to expect today.  The first hymn we sang was "Amazing Grace."  I was able to sing about two lines before I felt my throat start to close.  I closed the hymnal, put it away, crossed my hands and started to squeeze my fingers in a vain attempt to hold back the tears.

My mother has always said that she'd like "Amazing Grace" played on bagpipes at her funeral.  Thinking about this brought me back to my grandfather's funeral and the clarity that came with the 21-gun salute.  I would never see this man again.  It seemed like an awfully cruel trick to play on somebody who really didn't have a lot of time with extended family anyway.

My mother once told me, in that passive-aggressive way that only mothers master, that my empathy shows strongest when I go with Rob to visit his family.  Even though I don't have this need, she stated, I understand the importance for Rob.  It's not that the need isn't mine; the need was never cultivated.  When you grow up away from your family, you don't realize how important they are until you're given that opportunity through your in-laws. 

In a strange way, I feel as if I knew Auntie Mac through the love that she shared with Rob's family.  They share that same love with me, and I'm so glad to be a part of this family, the one that I chose and the one that chose me.

Welcome back

It's been a long time since I've blogged.  I really wat to do this, as I used to love capturing my thoughts at the end of each day.  After awhile, with my old blog, I felt like I was writing for an audience, not for myself.  I suppose bloggers are inherenty slightly egotistical to think that anybody would want to read what they have to say.

I'm going to attempt to post daily, just to capture my thoughts.  It could be relatedx to an event, a comment, a photo...  the sky's the limit, right?  It won't always be profound.  It will rarely be positive, but it will be honest.

As alwas,
Aunt Phetamine

Is there anybody out there?

Way back when, many centuries ago - not long after the Bible began... I used to write a blog post almost every day. Then I deleted the whole thing because I found that I was writing for other people and not myself. When I restarted this about a year ago, I thought I'd keep it to myself. I kept it hidden so well that even I forgot about it!

There have been a lot of changes since v.1. I'm in a relationship of almost three years. I bought a house. I'm focusing on my health, having finally passed the 150 mark! I even started a new job recently. I'll talk about all of them at some point, but I guess I really want to be mindful in the future. I had (the opportunity) to take the Strengths Quest inventory for my new job, and my top strength was "empathy." Empathy? I was pretty shocked that it was in my top five, let alone in the top spot.

In preparation for a work retreat, I was supposed to ask up to three people close to me to review my strengths and come up with concrete examples of how they see them manifest in me. Needless to say, I've taken a few hits and am feeling kind of bruised. I know that people are being honest with me, and I have never claimed to be empathetic, but it still kind of stings.

I want to be empathetic, but it's so hard. One of my other strengths is "responsibility," which came as a surprise to nobody. Unfortunately, I think that this strength really affects how empathy plays a role. I have a hard time understanding how people find themselves in certain situations, why they behave the way they do, and why they just can't pull it together due to this overwhelming sense of responsibility. It's something that I want to work on, and I hope that I learn more at the retreat to help me make that happen.

As always,

Aunt Phetamine

With the hope of updating this blog more regularly, I am attempting to go mobile. This is a test!

It's been a hectic week and a half with my coworker on vacation. Although things have slowed down a bit this week, I still feel as if I'm trying to catch up.

My energy is down a bit, and it may be related to the weather. We've already had 27 days below zero this winter, and the annual average is 26. Knowing that we have at least another six weeks of winter - 12 if Phil has anything to say about it - is really hard to digest.

I think my energy is also low due to a change in schedule.

I guess I'm spam

I am attempting to renew my blog, but have not yet had the opportunity to post. Due to travel, I've been away from my desk a lot since I recreated "As always, Aunt Phetamine."

I hope that the folks at Blogger are kind and don't delete this. I am hoping to post soon.

As always,
Aunt Phetamine