Happy Are Those

My grandfather used to say that people who were buried on a rainy day were the happiest.  Unfortunately for him, the sun was shining brightly on the first day of September when we buried his ashes almost two yeas ago.

Today I experienced my first trip to Tomah, Wisconsin for my second funeral.  This was a funeral for a woman I never met, but who was very close to Rob.  The visitation was right before the service, and the casket was open.  I had never seen a dead body before today, and I don't think it's high on my list of things I'd like to experience again.  Seated in the fifth pew, I could see her yellow face partially obscured by her grey hair.  "She looks good, considering..." 

Grief is such an intensely personal emotion.  I felt bad for Rob and his family, but so many of our interactions are centered around frivolity that I didnt know what to expect today.  The first hymn we sang was "Amazing Grace."  I was able to sing about two lines before I felt my throat start to close.  I closed the hymnal, put it away, crossed my hands and started to squeeze my fingers in a vain attempt to hold back the tears.

My mother has always said that she'd like "Amazing Grace" played on bagpipes at her funeral.  Thinking about this brought me back to my grandfather's funeral and the clarity that came with the 21-gun salute.  I would never see this man again.  It seemed like an awfully cruel trick to play on somebody who really didn't have a lot of time with extended family anyway.

My mother once told me, in that passive-aggressive way that only mothers master, that my empathy shows strongest when I go with Rob to visit his family.  Even though I don't have this need, she stated, I understand the importance for Rob.  It's not that the need isn't mine; the need was never cultivated.  When you grow up away from your family, you don't realize how important they are until you're given that opportunity through your in-laws. 

In a strange way, I feel as if I knew Auntie Mac through the love that she shared with Rob's family.  They share that same love with me, and I'm so glad to be a part of this family, the one that I chose and the one that chose me.